I should blog this crap
So anyway, I ran out of T.P. for my bunghole this morning. So at about 3 o’clock, I figured I should go out and get some T.P. But I also needed a new filter for my Brita water pitcher and I wanted to look for a game called Pass The Pigs so that I would have something to bring back to FL. So I went to Target. I found my filters, but I didn’t find the game although I probably didn’t look that hard considering that I still have a lot of time in between 3 o’clock today and the my arrival back in FL. I also didn’t look too hard for the T.P., but mostly because I didn’t want the Target checkout girl to think I was weird for buying my T.P. at Target instead of buying it at the supermarket like normal people.
So anyway, after failing to discover anything else to buy at Target, all I had to bring to the check out girl was the Brita water filters. I apologized prephetically to the checkout girl, but I could sense her dissappointment in my lack or purchases.
So anyway, I had to stop at the supermarket on the way home from Target to get my T.P. Back in FL, I always bought the recycled T.P. at Publix, but there is no Publix in TX and apparently they don’t recycle their T.P. in TX. So I’ve had to start buying and advertised brand, like Charmin or Cottonelle. I refuse to buy Angel Soft. Puh-lease. I produce a man’s kind of B.M. and I cannot put enough faith in a brand of T.P. called Angel Soft to perform it’s duties adequately. My Publix recycled T.P. was like fine fine sandpaper and it never failed to perform it’s duties when I performed my, uh, duties, so to speak. How could I trust any T.P. which advertising executives have deemed to be soft enough for Angels? It makes no sense at all. I’m not even sure if angels need T.P. at all, much less need a T.P. softer than the common man would require.
So where was I? Oh yeah, I bought some brand name T.P. at the supermarket and noticed that they had a really good sale on rib eye steaks. So I bought myself a big honkin’ eight dollar and fifty cent Texas rib eye steak that only wound up costing me six dollars and change. So considering that savings I felt it would be no harm at all to throw a bottle of Clos Du Bois into my baket. And some beets. A small can of beets. I like beets. Next to beer, beets are my favorite thing that starts with the letters b-e-e. I also got some mushrooms. Some fresh ones, not canned. I’m the type of guy who can be perfectly happy with canned beets, but I really prefer fresh mushrooms. So I got four big fresh mushrooms.
And some Twizzlers. You never know when you’re gonna need Twizzlers.
So anyway, I cooked my steak and mushrooms together in a fryinig pan with some butter and Montreal seasoning. I heated up the can of beets in a little pot and chilled the wine. Boy oh boy. It was some Good Eats. With a captial G and a Capital EATS.
So anyway, it’s about time to open that brand new package of T.P.